A travel hockey team is not only made up of coaching staff and players, but also parents. Often times the team and parents become quite close during the season, however, sometimes parents can over step their boundaries and create a difficult situation. In the following article, author of the Hockey Made Easy Instruction Manual and President of an Ontario junior ‘B’ hockey league, John Shorey, addresses a reader submitted question on the precarious situation of dealing with problem parents.
Dale Asks: How do you cope with parents who create problems during the travel hockey season? There are some parents who try to coach their kid from the stands and some who complain about everything from the amount of playing time, the coach and drills, to a multitude of other items. It also appears that these parents complain in front of their kids which results in the player having a bad attitude. These parents make it difficult for the rest of the team. Please discuss the responsibilities of the coaches in this type of situation and what, if anything other parents can do. In a long travel season, one bad parent can really disrupt a team.
Answer: At the start of the season, the head coach and his assistants should schedule a team question and answer meeting with parents and players. Doing this alone could, quite possibly, reduce the number of problem parents.
This information sharing meeting will break the ice and give the coaches a chance to answer everyone’s questions and explain their coaching philosophy, including: team goals and objectives, rules and consequences, earned or equal ice time, on and off ice practices, length of shifts, power play and penalty killing make-up, tournaments they intend to enter, cost for the season and anything else that seems reasonable.
Both parents and players should have the opportunity to ask the coaches questions. If the parents and players agree with the coach’s philosophy and other input, they can choose to join the team. But, if they disagree, they still have the opportunity to gracefully decline.
This meeting is important because it eliminates major surprises for parents and players during the season. However, having said that, some problems, concerns and situations will arise during the season – they normally do.
The team should have a protocol in place to address periodic issues. This might include scheduling a private meeting with the head coach and the parent or player to discuss the situation. A parent liaison could be appointed to set up such a meeting or bring the issue to the coaching staff to address.
If a resolution cannot be found and the player or parent continues to disrupt the team, the only course of action for the coach is to bench the player or even suspend him. If the situation is so serious and cannot be resolved, a last resort would probably be to release the player (and parent).
Editor’s Note: Thank you to John Shorey for this answer.
Sports Founders
I do not know the background of the coach that answered the above question, but it is off base in a number of ways. The answer lacks empathy for the parent, and in reality will not fix the problems. Quite often players are conscripted to a team, there is no choice to decline an invitation to join the team. The direction taken above by the coach may lead to devastating problems for this team and the players who we are here to develop.
There's a simple premise to curtail the above problem. That is communication. The coaches that have problems stated above are usually poor communicators. Communicating as a coach is nearly identical to communicating 'in the real world.' Those that are poor communicators in their profession – better get results, or there will be constant conflicts. The same is true for coaches. Win games & there's few problems, but slip from the perch, and if you have not sowed correctly – watch out.
A coach's dream is for the parents to drop off their kids early to practice, leave & on game day, sit on their hands. They would rather never have to speak with a parent. The reality is that coaches must develop empathy for the parent. Good parents participate in their child's development. This is true rather it's social, scholastic, of athletic. If you think about it, parents are the 'player agent' for their child, as there is no one else (save the child) that has their best interest paramount. Obviously at the same time the parent must keep emotions in check, understand the coach is a volunteer (usually with no ax to grind), and realize that the team must come before any individual.
Instead of chastising the parent that wants to coach their child. How about getting that parent on board to echo what the coach wants of the child? While the child needs down time & positive reinforcement, that too can be what the parent delivers under a coach's direction.
The problem in the above answer is the first meeting can not simply be a meet & greet with questions. The head coach should be prepared for a full blown presentation to the parents (with audio visual if available). He needs to for see potential problems through the year & proactively address them in the meeting. Feedback & questions are critical, but so is being available for some 1 on 1 time after that meeting. The coach above seemed to think his job is done at this point & if the parent doesn't follow along – he'll cut the child. While a problem player or parent can be a cancer to a team, is suspending or cutting a player the best action for that or the other players? It may be the easy way, but not the best in everyone's interest.
After that initial meeting, the coach needs to realize his need to foster communication with the parents on the team. Ideally this should be an occasional social meeting (party in a relaxed environment), where parents can see the coaches other side and feel comfortable to approach 1 on 1. If a party is not possible, then the coach should open communication avenues with more formal meetings. He should not be shy to initiate contact with a parent. All should remember that effective communication is first to be a good listener, empathize, understand with an open mind, and give a concise fair rebuttal. Too often coaches incorrectly feel their position is right and unable to change.
Coaches have a very tough job, and it usually goes unpaid. The best coaches are good communicators not only with their players, but parents also. Parents need to cut them some slack, but the coaches are at times their own worst enemies.
Thanks for the input Tom, we appreciate your valuable advice! Does anyone else have other ideas or thoughts about this comment? Please share with us!